WORD COUNT 662                                                                                                             DECEMBER 22, 2004

IF YOU LOOK, THERE ARE SMILES IN THE NEWS --  by Donald Kaul 

Who says there’s no good news anymore? The news lately may not have been thrillingly good but a lot of it’s been very funny, which is the next best thing. For example:

Medals---President Bush gave the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the highest national honor that doesn’t involve getting shot at, to three architects of the current war in Iraq, George Tenet, former director of the CIA; Paul Bremer, former civilian administrator of the occupation of Iraq, and Gen. Tommy Franks, the overall commander of the invasion.

Tenet, you’ll remember, is the guy who said that finding Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq would be a “slam dunk;” Bremer the chap who disbanded the Iraqi army, leaving no effective local forces to keep order, and Franks the fellow who, though he argued privately for more troops, publicly supported the disastrous decision to try and run the occupation on the cheap with as few troops as possible.

You know who didn’t get medals? The people in the intelligence community who were right on WDMs, right on the need for keeping Iraq forces intact and right on the need for more troops.

Proving again the truth of the maxim: “There is no greater sin a bureaucrat can commit than to be right when his superiors are wrong.” Incompetent, laziness, bad judgment---all that can be forgiven. A failure to go along with the program, never.

I hope Tenet, Bremer and Franks enjoy their medals; they earned them.

Deception---Word comes via “The New York Times” that the Defense Department (and they really should change the name back to “War Department,” don’t you think?) is considering “manipulating” information it dispenses with an eye toward influencing opinion abroad. There’s a technical term for that, of course: “lying.”

Opponents within the government argue the plan would risk shattering the Pentagon’s credibility and might make folks skeptical of everything the military says.

I feel safe in saying that the Bush administration should stop worrying about damaging its credibility overseas. It doesn’t have any.

Europeans, Middles Easterners and Asians are far more cynical than Americans. They don’t believe governments tell the truth, ever. It is only Americans who swallow what their politicians tell them.

In any case, what credibility the United States did have was shredded when Secretary of State Colin Powell went before the United Nations with badly forged documents to argue that invading Iraq was necessary because Saddam had (the still-missing) Weapons of Mass Destruction.

So go ahead and lie if you want to, people, you won’t be fooling anyone but American voters, and only 51 percent of them at that.

Dumb Luck---Two years ago, Jack Whittaker, a West Virginia businessman, won the richest undivided lottery jackpot in U.S. history: $314 million. (After taking the lump-sum payout and paying taxes, it amounted to $113 million cash.)

In the months since, the 57-year-old has been arrested for drunk driving and ordered into rehab, gotten into a number of fights for which he’s being sued and had his car and home robbed several times. In one of the thefts, he had a briefcase containing more than $500,000 stolen from his SUV. (It seems he’s developed a gambling habit.)

Does that sound like the resume of a happy man? No.

“I wish all of this never would have happened,” his wife told a newspaper. “I wish I would have torn the ticket up.”

No, no, no, no, no. Don’t tear it up, Ma’am. Give it to a worthy person---me, for example. If any of you out there have a winning lottery ticket and you are afraid it will ruin your life, mail it to me. I promise not to get arrested for drunk driving (I’ll have a chauffeur) or get into fights (I’ll have a bodyguard) or lose money gambling (the charm of gambling escapes me).

In my lifetime, I’ve overcome genteel poverty, lack of recognition and obtuse, ill-tempered bosses. I’m confident I can overcome great wealth too.

Try me.

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Donald Kaul recently retired as Washington columnist for the “Des Moines Register.” He has covered the foolishness in our nation’s capital for 29 years, winning a number of modestly coveted awards along the way. Email: donald.kaul2@verizon.net  -- A photo of Donald Kaul is available CLICK HERE 

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